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发贴人：清纯MM
英文笑话:American Soldier
An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat.
The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired. The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!" The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
英文笑话:The Clock
Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"???
St Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said Hillary, "who's clock is that?"
"That's Mother Theresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."
"Who's clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."
"Where is Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.
"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He is using it as a ceiling fan."
英文笑话:Interesting Points
1. Tests have shown that women rate 3% higher in general intelligence than men, though their brain size is smaller.
2. Women are walking radar detectors, that is why men have difficulty lying to women. Their brains have the ability to integrate and decipher verbal, visual and other signals of body language.Hence,women will always be safe when faking an orgasm.
3. Women wants lots of sex with the man she loves. Men just want lots of sex.
4. When men flirt, they will lower their pitch of voice. Women will raise theirs.
5. Women talk and think aloud while men do them silently. As a result, men think women talk too much and are nags.
6. Women talk about their problems as a way of relieving stress. She wants to be heard, not fixed by being offered advice and solutions.
7. Speech and words are not a specific brain skill for men. They find it hard to express themselves. That's why they often choose greeting cards with plenty of words inside. That way, there's less space for them to write.
8. Women leave men, not because they are unhappy with what he can provide, but because they are emotionally unfulfilled.
9. Women uses an average of 20,000 communication words, sounds,and gestures a day. Men only use about 7,000.
10. So if a woman is talking to you a lot, she likes you. But if she's not talking, you're in trouble.
11. Men are more thick-skin than women. Literally. Which explains why women have more wrinkles than men. Boys loses their sensitivity to touch by the time they reach puberty. So where does all that sensitivity go? It all goes to just one area.
12. If a woman is unhappy in her relationship, she can't concentrate on her work. If a man is unhappy at work, he can't focus on his relationship.
13. Men can only do one thing at a time. When they stop theircar to read a street directory, they have to turn down the radio.Women's brain are configured for multi-tasking performance. They can talk on the phone, watch the TV and cook at the same time.
14. Most men get a brain haemorrhage after 20 minutes of clothes shopping.
15. When it comes to sex, women need a reason; men need a place.
16. Most women prefer sex with the lights off - they can't bear to see a man enjoying himself. Men likes the lights on - so they can get the woman's name right.
英文笑话:King Solomon
